Yeah, that’s right, I’m going there.
For some reason, I have been asked this question a lot lately. And like all issues that make people angry, it’s complicated. I was raised Catholic, and grew up in a devote but not “scary devote,” environment. After the scandal in 2002, my father lost faith with the church and we stopped going as a family. My mother still goes fairly regularly, and all of us kids went to religion class as a child and went through the various ceremonies. But that is my family, not me.
After the scandal in the early 2000’s, I also became disenchanted with the church. I had heard stories of how Nuns were excommunicated for baptizing a baby, saw women including my mother scorned for leaving a bad marriage, and learned about stories where men were wise and heroic but the women were manipulative, evil and or submissive to men in Sunday school. All the while, the church was protecting thousands of men who hurt children.
I still believe in God, I still pray multiple times a day for myself and those around me. When a family friend died I felt comfort going to church and lighting a candle for him. But I have never felt empowered in church, only like I was less because I was born female. I still believe in god and find comfort in doing some of the prayer rituals I did as a child, but I do not think I am Catholic anymore.
What do you do when you have no idea where your life is going?
If you have the answer, let me know.