Moments

Earlier I mentioned how with very few exceptions, there is no real, “one day” where your entire life got off track. But there can be moments. Moments where you took that final step that set you permanently off course.

I can remember my moment. New York City, 2015. I was in my Junior year of college and things were really starting to go down hill. I didn’t know what was wrong with me, the full extent to the damage my mental health was suffering, or the further damage I was doing by acting like everything was fine.

As long as I was in denial, I could just keep smiling and act like everything was alright, that there was nothing wrong with me. Then my family went to see a specialist in New York. We did not go their for me, we went there because my father had lived with diagnosed ADD most of his life and my mother had suffered a traumatic brain injury. They were worried about themselves but there was a family discount. Might as well get the kids checked out as well.

The Doctor, who on reflection had an ego the size of mount Everest and the common sense of a teaspoon, asked me question. Personal questions I did not want to talk to a stranger about. They had done a SPEC scan on my brain, was I aware that I showed signs of PTSD?

That trip striped away the last of my denial. I couldn’t keep saying I was fine. I couldn’t stay on the life path anymore. This was the moment I stepped off of the path permanently. I just did not know that at the time.

What do you do when you have no idea where your life is going?

If you have the answer let me know.

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